Monday, January 30, 2012

Two years ago

Around this time end of January beginning of February I was admitted into the  Renfrew Center inpatient facility. I went in angry, scared and fearful for the future. I thought I could not exist without my security blanket/best friend/ worst enemy also know as my eating disorder.

At this time my eating disorder was my life, I had no friends, I was pathetic and mean and worth less. My life revolved around ED and nothing else mattered. It got to the point where I was doing things I'd never imagine, I didn't care, I was just numb all over.

Renfrew Florida

When I walked into the waiting area I met Melayna, I would later become very close to this girl wearing fuzzy slippers and a red blanket wrapped around her, I didn't know it at the time but we would be great friends. I swore off the place and knew I'd be miserable but then I met more girls. All were just as welcoming and happy as Melayna. How could anyone be happy in treatment? Trust me its possible if your in the right place at the right time.

Melayna and I post treatment
I remember having my first dinner at Renfrew, I don't remember what was on my plate but I cried. They said I had to eat it, everything off my tray. The girls were all very supportive they all hugged me and told me I could do it, I finally finished it but I still had trouble with the mandatory desserts twice a week.

Over all I was happy, even though it was probably the hardest thing I've ever done I met people I will never forget and learned to love myself and take care of my body. It almost feels like a dream looking back on it. I shared so many experiences with the community at Renfrew, I can honestly say they gave me a new start to my life.

Some of the girls

I can not say everything was peachy after treatment, I had my ups and downs but that's life isn't it? I am now on that upward swing. I have not binged or purged since the new year began. I know its only been a month but it's been a great month and I plan on keeping it this way for a very long time.

This is the NEDA (National Eating Disorder Association) Symbol, its also  my very first tattoo, in a few years I'd like to add the word "Survivor" just like this image. I am a survivor and I will keep on surviving because I have the tools and support of so many people. I currently do not see a therapist, nutritionist or any of the above. I am living my life my way and it's working pretty well for me if I do say so myself.

Thank you Nicole a fellow survivor for reminding me, I am proof that there is life after an eating disorder. 

Feel free to ask me some questions! I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences as well.